Demystification And Other Unintended Side Effects.

So, the intention of blogging about my current condition was partly to have a record of the events as they unfolded and, as these events unfolded, attempt to demystify the processes involved.

That seems to have blown up in my face somewhat.

My reaction to the MRI scan has bothered me more than I care to admit and I've spent a good deal of time analysing and re-analysing the circumstances, to the point where I almost wanted the hospital to phone to tell me the scan was inconclusive, or blurred, and I would be required to undergo the procedure again.
I'd like to point out I'm quite happy I haven't received that phone call and won't be disappointed if it never comes.

How to make sense of this?

I'm focusing on the relaxation technique I used, a combination of relaxing muscle groups, deep breathing and visualisation.
I was introduced to this technique some years ago and was amazed at the initial results.
The session was a guided one by a therapist who was trying to show me how to 'do-it-myself''.
I'd driven to the session crashing every gear in the box, stressed out, angry, and not looking forward to the waste-of-time-psychobabble-nonsense I was going to have to sit still for.
I left the session and drove along a busy dual-carriageway at around 20 mph waving and smiling at all the infuriated motorists blowing their horns at the the idiot blocking their clear passage home (me).
Try as I might I've never been able to reproduce the effect of what was actually a light hypnosis*, effects that lasted, to my recall, for about 3 days.

Ah yes, despite my using words like 'bothered' etc. the overall effect has been a positive one in that, for around 48 hours, once I got over the initial confusion I've had what can best be described as 'peace of mind".
How much would you pay for that if it could be bottled?

But yet it doesn't follow.
The session I described was in a comfortable, quiet, 'safe' environment with a person, even if I didn't  fully trust, I didn't actually distrust.
The scan context was quite a stressful environment, loud, clinical, disorientating and alone.
Although I did eventually manage to 'visualise' a pleasant situation it took some bloody doing I can tell you.

The nurses' comment on withdrawing me from the scanner to give me an injection was a little puzzling.
"You're doing really well".
Difficult to convey the inflection in typing, guess it's one of those 'you-had-to-be-there' situations.

Here's another 'odd' thing.
During the short period I was removed from the scanner, injected, then replaced in the scanner, my left arm and hand (the side not being injected) seemed to develop a life of its own.
My fingers were stiff yet kept twisting uncontrollably almost like having cramp but without the pain while my arm 'waved' about in the air.
Non of that seemed to phase the nurse in the slightest, almost like she'd seen it before.

I'm still in the process of trying to rationalise this whole episode.
Most of everything I've read suggests there are no side-effects from MRI scans yet my experience doesn't seem to confirm that.

There's something else.
That was two days ago and two days ago may as well be a thousand years ago.

Oh, look, a kitten:

*see Mr. Websters comments on Through A Scanner (Darkly).