Thursday, 31 March 2011

The Back Room Pt: 03

Thanks to Black & Decker sanding is no longer the mind-numbingly tedious pursuit it used to be.
All the skirting board is now lovely and smooth awaiting the application of paint.
Before that I have to deal with my least favourite decorating job.
Painting the ceiling.

The saying 'a bad workman blames his tools' maybe true but I think it entirely justifiable to blame cheap paint brushes for a poor finish, the collapse of western society and the death of Rasputin.
Linda (not me you understand) bought a pack of paint brushes a while ago 'they were only 99p'.
Do not buy paint brushes that cost 99p!
Buy paint brushes that cost £5 each and look after them.
Application, finish and cleaning are much better and easier with a good brush.
I couldn't find my good brushes and started off with the 99p jobs.
10 minutes later I when off and turned the house upside down until I'd found my good brushes and promised them I'd never to lose them again.

Three applications of satin white emulsion and the cornice looks white again.
Now the difficult bit.
I don't like painting ceilings, I don't like painting ceilings and I especially do not like painting Artexed ceilings with a roller.
Half an hour later and the job is done for at least another four years or, until it dries and the bits I've missed reveal themselves.
The next thrilling instalment involves electricity and, possibly, the smell of burning flesh (mine).

Breakfast is Served.

I have very few 'routines' in my life but breakfast is set in stone.
I can't think until I've had my breaky.

This morning I'm going to have poached eggs.
For this I will need:
Two eggs. Of course I prefer newly laid free range eggs from hens that have been  ethically treated and have cushions to sit on but I'm going to use the two eggs that I found in the unmarked egg box.
A saucepan. I've chosen the smallest one.
Some boiling water.
Two slices of bread. Of course I prefer newly laid free range bread from bakers that have been ethically treated and have cushions to sit on but I'm going to use two of the slices I found in the packet that don't show evidence of mold.
A toaster, a slotted spoon, a cooker, a kettle, a plate, salt, pepper, and some butter.

Boil some water in the kettle then decant into the saucepan.
Wait till the water starts to bubble furiously.
Add a pinch of salt to the water then 'spin it up' with the slotted spoon.
Break the eggs and drop them into the whirlpool in the saucepan then turn the heat off.

Put the bread into the toaster and activate.

Stand about till toast is ready.
When the toast 'pops up' put it on the plate and spread with butter.
Using the slotted spoon remove eggs from the saucepan and place on the toast.
Add a sprinkle of pepper, serve, eat.
I've also added a mug of industrial strength coffee.

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 90

Felpham (Southern Cardinal Station) 29/03/11:

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

The Back Room Pt:02

The filling and sanding of the walls is all done and everything is covered in a fine white dusting of Polyfilla:
The next job is stripping the skirting board and architrave which means I get to play with one of my favourite tools, the blow-torch (mind you, not so keen on the scraper):
Two hours later all the skirting board and a third of the architrave are back to the wood.  It would have been completed but the blow-lamp out of gas.

The next stage is the one I'm not looking forward to, painting the ceiling.

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 89

Pagham (Westen Cardinal Station) 29/03/11:

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

A Find !

Linda and I were driving in the car today when we spotted this:
Dumped outside a house with a sign reading "Please Take".
So we did.
About 3 foot high, mirror-backed display cabinet with 3 glass shelves.
I think it's been a shop fitting in a pervious life.
One of the rear legs has broken off (the other legs in the picture are two of Linda's and one of mine).
I think I'll remove all of them (the cabinet's legs) and hang it on the wall.
It needs some other light restoration but nothing to worry about really.
The major debate now is whether the cabinet should hold Linda's mermaid collection of my, ah-hem, home-made 'friends'.


If I owned a dog and the dog I owned produced something like this I wouldn't pick it up either.

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 88

Shipney (Northern Cardinal Station) 29/03/11:

The Count-Down Begins (then ends abruptly).

If you intend getting an implant and a tattoo, make sure it's a good one.

Monday, 28 March 2011

The Back Room Pt:01

So while I wait for Linda to find out what else needs doing to the kitchen I'm going to start re-imagining the back-room.
The room is north facing therefore no natural light, has one double electrical outlet socket near the door, scruffy floorboards and measures (L) 12 ft x (W) 7 ft x (H) 8 ft.
All the walls are all supporting walls.

From the doorway it looks like this:
I've moved out everything I possibly could leaving only a desk and the freezer.
We had to have the ceiling repaired a few years ago after a combination of a missing slate and several gallons of rainwater brought a good proportion of it down.  The repair included coving and a heavy coat of Artex which is a bugger to paint but fortunately that's all it needs.
I'm going to leave my light-fitting up as it's amusingly dangerous and the cobwebs only improve the look of it.

The walls are all sound but show the scars of various holes that have been filled but never sanded to a smooth finish and all the holes left after I'd removed all the fittings.
Several of the holes
Job number one, fill up all the holes and sand down to a flat surface.

On moving the freezer out of it's corner I discovered that the skirting board behind it is rotten. I detected the tell-tale smell of old cat's pee.
This corner was where the cat's litter tray used to live and I think they'ed been missing the target area for several years.
I'm not going to chop the affected areas out I'm just going to clean them up as well as I possibly can and fill them (because I can cut a corner with as much skill as the next man).

Test Post from My iPod Touch.

A test run of mobile blogging.
Oh, look...
A little robot.

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 87

Berstead 23/03/11:

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 86

Aldwick 23/03/11:

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 85

Felpham 23/03/11:

Friday, 25 March 2011

Some of the Creations of Outa_Spaceman Being: nn

I'm beginning to start to maybe think about the possibility of perhaps sometime in the near future redecorating the 'back-room'.
I've used this room as my lab for some years now and it really, really needs decorating.
The upshot of all this is that all my creations have to be packed up and put away in the loft so it seemed like a good idea to create a bit of an overview culled from my stored pictures.

The chances are it maybe a long-time before any of my little chums see the light of day again as I'm not sure what the rooms' purpose is going to be.
Guest room?
Recording Studio?
Spare Room we dump everything that we don't use on a regular basis?

I'll ask Linda.
She'll know.

Post Card Kerfuffles.

When I showed Linda my re-imagined Greetings From Bognor Regis postcard,
(Linda has some very vibrant 'views' on Bognor Regis) she asked where my 'Greetings From (Expletive deleted) Felpham' might be.
I immediately dashed out into the twilight with the list, compiled by Linda, of places I should photograph.

upload, edit, composite, save and:
Linda doesn't like it.
I explain that it only looks gloomy because of the lighting and not because Felpham truly is akin to a sinister grave-yard.

Today I waited for the sun to get to the, for most of the sites, right place.
I used one effect on the way out and another effect on the way back.
On the way out:
And on the way back:
Awaiting Linda's verdict.

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 84

Pagham 22/03/11:

Meanwhile, in the Temple of Outa_Space...

We prepare...

In the Lair of the Underground Pig Detector (exclusive footage)

Brought back from the dark caverns beyond understanding.
There the hoards of the Black Rubber Beelzebub in his Kingdom of Soil are gathered and begin their sinister chanting. 
Their message is clear (because it revolves in the foreground of the shot)

Thursday, 24 March 2011

'Enjoy Yourself' (Sigman) Performed by O.S.M. B:53 Accompanied by his Baritone Ukulele.

Uh oh,
My dad's making videos.

Greetings From Bognor Regis: The Post Card.

In our corner shop there are a selection of post cards for sale.
I looked at them.
I noticed that the Bognor Regis depicted in the tiny pictures seemed to be at odds with today's, modern, Bognor Regis.

I picked a card at random (the same height as my mid-riff):
I went out to the locations on the card and photographed, from as near as I could get, today's version:
The pictures were taken with an iPod Touch using the Retro Camera app set to Fudge-Can.
The original card is a Salmon Cameracolour Post Card.
Printed in England © J. Salmon Ltd. Sevenoaks. Kent.

If you would like an electronic post card from Bognor Regis email me through my Profile page.
(The file size is 512 kb)
Or you could just down-load it.

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 83

Pagham 22/03/11:

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Ignorant Ornithology.

Over at The Pavilion of Innocent Pastimes Mr. Glyn Webster has established himself as the worlds leading exponent of ignorant ornithology.
(A field of study first identified by Frank Key at Hooting Yard)
I hope to stumble in his wake with these two examples of my ignorance in the field of ornithology.
No. 01:
I think this may be a 'bird':
No. 02:
I shall have to consult some kind of book to establish whether this is another kind of 'bird':

My 'Track of the Week": 'Voodoo, Voodoo' (Performed by Lavern Baker)

This track is as old as me and has worn a lot better.
'scuse me while I do some freakish free-form jigging about.

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 82

Pagham 22/03/11:

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 81

Aldwick 22/03/11:

Monday, 21 March 2011

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 80

Bognor Regis 21/03/11:

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 79

Bognor Regis 20/03/11:

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 78

Chichester 19/03/11:

Friday, 18 March 2011

I'll See You In My Dreams. (Kahn/Jones arr. J. Brown) Performed on the Baritone Ukulele by O.S.M. B:53

This is probably the most difficult song I've ever tried to cram into my brain.
I suspect I've forgotten at least six other songs to make way for it.
Since Joe Brown (God-man) performed it at The Concert for George in 2002, if the amount of versions on YouTube are anything to go by, it's become one of the tunes any uke player should have in their rep.
I've been practicing the song for about five days now and Linda is threatening to murder me if I play it again when she's in the room.
Can't please everyone I guess.
I still have some work to do on it before it becomes 'natural' me thinks.
I'll play it at the folk club tonight then give it a rest for a while and hope the 'latent -learning' thing kicks in.
Here's a link to an original version:
I'll See You In My Dreams (Jones 1924)

On reading the Wiki entry for Joe Brown I note, with some amusement, that his first band, a skiffle combo, was called 'The Spacemen'.
Everything's connected I tell you, everything.

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 77

Bognor Regis War Memorial Hospital Car Park 18/03/11:

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Cardboard Reality Interventions 2011: No. 76

Chichester Road Lay-by, 10/03/11:

Our New Kitchen: Stages 06 & 07 (Complete)

Stage 06:
Doors hung, big shiny pipe complete, cooker-hood working and washing up done.
Linda tested the new cooker-hood by activating extraction strength 03 (max) then sticking her head under it to see if it would suck her hair up.

Stage 07:
The laminate ends have been fitted to the worktop and all the plaster work is done.
Linda has cooked a pheasant, a pie, some of her own design oven chips, Chicken Kiev and spag bol in the new facility.
We have decided to step-back from the build now to find out how the kitchen 'works'.
By this I mean where should the plates be stored?
Should the pans be left out on the top close to the cooker?
What items should be put in the draw?

We still have to get a new fridge, which will slot in under the right hand side worktop, and decide on what vinyl flooring we're going to have.

Next week we get the paint brushes out.