Thursday, 29 November 2012

Chimney Lining Day (an episodic event)

I arrived home form my shift in the Modern Cloak-Room Environment to find we'd be scaffolded in preparation for having a chimney lining fitted:
I immediately noticed, much to my disappointment, there was no ladder access to the platform which meant I couldn't climb up and look off.
I also noticed there didn't seem to be an access ramp to the chimney breast.
Linda said the scaffolder men had forgotten to bring their ladder and had built the scaffold up without using one.
This is at once impressive. they can build a scaffold without a ladder, and unimpressive, they forgot their ladder in the first place.

It was bloody cold last night BTW. 

09:00 a.m.
The chimney companies representatives arrive and do that 'sharp intake of breath' thing.
"Nar, y'see we can't get access mate".
They look at the burner.
"See now, we in't got the inside bits, 'day bee ear 'bout 'nover two weeks, or so".

The senior chimney man goes away to phone 'duh office' while his assistant, let's call him 'Mr. Buttocks' starts to remove the chimney access plate.

Some short time later.
"Now, what it is, is we going rawnd to 'nover job rawn duh corner and be back when the scaffolders done what 'day supposed to 'av done."

10:15 a.m.
Telephone call from a female chimney company representative:
I think it might have been that Bridget Jones woman.

11:00 a.m.
Scaffolders arrive:
I call 'smile!" to the cherry scaffolder men and take the above picture.
On noticing one of scaffolder men has a Liverpudlian accent, I feel deeply ashamed that I thought about    the lead-flashing on the roof.
I go inside and ruminate on regional stereotyping.

01:00 p.m.
Scaffolder men gone away, now chimney men are here:
I step outside to have a bit of jolly banter with the chaps.
I speak loudly and show exaggerated interest in everything they do.
They look at me with a special look.
I go back inside.

Work continued till:

05:00 p.m.

The chimney companies representatives left promising to return in the morning to finish off the work and no, we can't light the fire yet.

06:00 p.m.

Our downstairs neighbour phones in some confusion.
We go downstairs and find:

That's vermiculite insulation that is.
It's the type of insulation put round a chimney lining that is.
Oh, there's also a thin layer of soot all over the room.

This situation is not good.
I am quite angry in fact.
Not because the chimney companies representatives didn't realise this was happening.
No, the reason I'm quite angry is because I spent 2 hours this morning cleaning our downstairs neighbour's flat in fact I've been cleaning this flat for months now and had made it sparkle.

All the way back down the snake.

Linda is taking tomorrow morning off from work tomorrow to sort this out.

To be continued....