Sunday, 2 December 2012

Essential Modern Cloak-Room Attendant Skills: 01 Cobbling.

It is essential for prospective Modern Cloak-Room Attendants to develop a skill set appropriate to the many and varied challenges of todays modern cloak-room environment.

For example yesterday a guest, slightly 'worse for wear', caught and snapped the heel of her shoe in a heating grate.
Oh calamity!
The disco dancing had yet to begin and the forlorn guest stood at my window and wailed,
"'av just caught mi fackin' 'eel in your poxy fackin' grate and look at my fackin' shoe nary!"

"Fear not madam for I am a Modern Cloak-Room Attendant and have developed an appropriate skill set."
"Wot yew fackin' on abart?"
"Cobblers madam."
"You watch y'friggin' marf you, donncha know oo I yam pal? Me an' Charles paid good money to come up dis gaff an' I don't need no smart-gobbed git tellin' me it's cobblers."
"Cobblers mend shoes madam"
"Oh yeah arseole? Where y'gonna get a bleedin' cobbler this time o'night then?"

I digress...

So, in this circumstance an application of "Super Glue" saved the day:
And so Cinderella had the shoe she had so carelessly broken mended by a Modern Cloak-Room Attendant masquerading as a cobbler and went to the ball after all.

My God! donncha jus 'ate bleedin' riff-raff?