Sundry Mortifications No. 1

Every now and then I am obliged, usually at Linda's insistence, to apply personal grooming/hygiene products and attend social functions...
I find these situations... errrr..?
Difficult.
I'm not, by nature, a gregarious person preferring my own company and though my parents made sure I had a comprehensive understanding of when the words 'please' and 'thank-you' were appropriate, was familiar and competent with any eating utensil I could conceivably encounter at the dinner table they failed to prepare me for the making of 'small talk'...
In the past my solution to these trying circumstances was to drink heavily which led to many (in retrospect) hilarious misunderstandings...
So...
I have been invited to a garden party and have devised a plan to make sure that I behave myself...
I have bought a selection of 'Real Ales' to review throughout the afternoon...

01) Theakstons Old Peculier.I notice that the label indicates that Old Peculier is now a 'legend'...
This beer takes me on a trip down memory lane (a cul-de-sac)...
I remember when the only place I could get a pint of Old Pec was in the (men only) back bar of the Prospect Hotel in Harrogate, where it was sold from a small barrel on the rear counter, unless I was able to get to either the White Bear or the King's something-or-other in Masham...
It tastes as heavy as I remember and the idea of drinking it is better than reality. I still prefer Theakston's XB over Old Pec...

02) Welton's Old Harry.
First time I've tried this beer. Non descript really, bland even...I notice from the label that if it's poured correctly the yeast stays in the bottle...
Suffice to say that I ended up with a cloudy pint and a clean bottle...

03) Whitstable Bay Organic AleI like this...
Light, almost fruity...
I'm a little perplexed about the 'organic' tag but suspect a marketing ploy...
Yes I'd drink it again...

04) Black Sheep AleBland...
If I'm honest my favourite beer is Betty Stoggs Bitter from Cornwall and everything else just pales alongside it...
The garden party was very pleasant and I talked at excessive length about my new bicycle (propped up in the garden) to a bloke called Freddy...
All's well that ends well and nobody had to die...